Emmett, What Are You Doing?
by xxthatswhackxx
Summary: A bunch of random one-shots about Emmett being Emmett. Random, I might add, is the key word.
1. Beauty

**Emmett, What Are You Doing?**

So, this is just a stupid little thing to help me blow off some steam. I get these random ideas when I'm trying to get to sleep at night, and this is usually the result. It's just a bunch of one-shots about the crazy stuff Emmett does. This one's told in third-person, because I got sick of living in only one character's mind. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight, and I don't have creative ways to admit it either.

**Listen to- **'Happiness' by the cast of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown"

* * *

**1. Beauty**

He couldn't help himself. The way the light was shining in every direction, making the room appear to be the inside of a crystal ball, was stunning. There might not be anything in the world more beautiful than this moment.

"Emmett!"

He looked up from his distractions. Standing in the doorway was a very irate- looking Rosalie, whose skin was shining in the sunlight that was shining through the glass window.

No, not even Rosalie could be more beautiful than this.

"What are you doing?" she snapped. Emmett shrugged and picked up one of the shiny pieces of metal. He twisted it in his hand, as if to show Rosalie its beauty. She scowled.

"Esme, Emmett's playing with your silverware!"

Rosalie stepped around the thousands of stainless steel utensils that were scattered and bent on the floor in front of her husband as she made her way to the back door.

She just didn't understand true beauty.


	2. Amazement

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie Meyer owns it.

**Listen to- **'Reflection' by Christina Aguilera

* * *

**2. Amazement**

It was amazing.

Emmett moved his hand in front of his face. The other man followed his action exactly.

"Wow," he murmured. The man mouthed the same word right back to him.

"Edward?" Emmett called. The man in front of him mouthed the same name. Emmett stared at him in horror. "You don't know Edward!" he shouted.

The man's lips formed the same words.

"Yes, I do. He's my brother." Emmett said matter-of-factly.

When the man repeated what Emmett had said, he countered with a simple, "no".

"No," the man mouthed.

Emmett growled at him, moving into a crouch. The man copied his motion, his eyes blazing.

Of course, Emmett knew this man could not win in a fight. He lunged forward- and smacked right into the wall. The wall protested, but just as Emmett suspected, lost the battle. It crumpled into a pile of plaster, leaving an Emmett-shaped hole.

"Emmett? What are you doing?" Edward asked from the doorway.

"Edward! There was this man, and he copied everything I did! He even said that you were his brother." He explained as he backed away from the disaster area.

"Emmett," Edward said quietly as he stared at the broken mirror on the wall, "that man was you. You were looking at your reflection."

Emmett turned toward the wall, noticing for the first time the silvery glass that had been demolished. He turned back to face his brother slowly, a small apologetic smile forming on his lips.

"Ooops," he muttered. Edward shook his head and walked away.

"Tell that to Rosalie," he murmured, "I'd hate to face her wrath when she finds out her mirror's been destroyed."


	3. Annoyance

**3. Annoyance **

**Disclaimer: **Emmett belongs to Stephanie Meyer. So does Jasper. What does that leave me?

**Listen to- **'Bodybag' by Hit the Lights

* * *

Emmett huffed in annoyance at the line of cars in front of him. It felt like they were getting nowhere fast.

"This is ridiculous!" he shouted, throwing his arms in the air. "We're not even moving!"

"That's how construction zones work, Emmett. You have to drive slower," Jasper laughed. Emmett shook his head and gripped the steering wheel.

"It's agony!" he confessed, causing Jasper's laughter to increase. Emmett only stared straight ahead, glaring at the blue Mustang in front of him.

"I can tell," Jasper replied, watching Emmett growl at the windshield. "Have a little patience," he offered. Emmett narrowed his eyes, jerking his head toward his brother.

"Why don't you give me some patience?" he snapped. Jasper smiled, folding his arms over his chest happily.

"Not today. It's too entertaining to watch," he said. Emmett hissed and scowled at his brother. Then, in one quick movement, he turned the steering wheel to the left, sending the Jeep up over the concrete barrier and into the newly paved lane on the other side.

Jasper gripped his seat uselessly against the pieces of concrete that shattered the glass of the Jeep's windows. He hissed, staring at his brother in amazement. Emmett blinked as the car came to a stop, and five construction workers began running to the scene of the accident.

"Emmett, what the heck did you do?" Jasper shrieked, glaring through the dusty air at his brother. Emmett only shrugged and slumped down in his seat.

"It worked on that video game," he confessed. Jasper simply sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt so that he could explain the disaster to the worried construction workers.


	4. Boredom

**4. Boredom**

**Disclaimer:** Nothing belongs to me, except the pink panties.

**Listen to-**'There! Right! There!' by the cast of "Legally Blonde the Musical"

* * *

Emmett normally stayed outside on the nights that he spent on the lookout for Victoria. Tonight, though, he just couldn't stand the boredom. He knew Bella was out, Edward had taken her somewhere for the evening, so he really couldn't see the harm in going inside for once.

He didn't even understand why he was here, when Bella wasn't. Surely, Victoria wouldn't come to her house, when Bella's scent was fresher somewhere else in town. But because he was a good brother, he was here, wasting his valuable time.

Emmett climbed through Bella's bedroom window swiftly; sniffing around to make sure the house was empty. Charlie must be out for the night, too.

Sighing, he plopped himself down on Bella's oh-too-springy bed. He scowled at her walls; she could really use an interior decorator. He made a mental note to tell Alice about that later.

It was amazing to Emmett that it was almost more boring inside Bella's bedroom that it was in the dark, dreary cold. What he wouldn't give to have some excitement right about now.

Then, he noticed the top drawer of Bella's dresser was slightly ajar. He smiled to himself as he stood up and pulled the drawer out, shifting through its contents. He would just have to entertain himself and what better way to do that than to play dress up. Alice would love this.

He pulled out a yellow sock and stuck his arm into it like a glove. He laughed, admiring the sunshine color against his pale skin. Then, he pulled out a pair of pink panties, which he found quite amusing that Bella even owned.

"I wonder how jealous Edward would get if he knew that I've seen Bella's underwear," he laughed to himself. Then, in one hasty motion, he pulled the panties over his head. He dug further into the drawer, coming up with a ratty- looking tank top.

After a quick examination, he pulled the tank top on over his own t-shirt. Then he began looking for the other sock.

"Why wouldn't she keep her socks in pairs?" he wondered, feeling around the bottom of the drawer. His face fell, turning into a mask of disappointment.

"Emmett!" Bella's voice squealed from the doorway. Emmett looked up, a guilty expression masking his face. He shrugged, and gently pushed the drawer back into its rightful position.

"What _are_ you doing?" she asked, stepping anxiously into the room. She shook her head at the sight of him, standing in her bedroom clad in her undergarments.

"Do you know that you're missing a sock?" Emmett asked innocently. Bella's shocked frown lifted into an amused smile, followed by a fit of laughter.

* * *

**Author's note- **Hi. So I know that I have people reading this, and that makes me extremely happy- especially since it's just something little. But, I would love it even more if those people who read would also review. Maybe, if you have time when you're done reading, you could click that little button and make my day...


	5. Curiosity

**Disclaimer: **_I do own Twilight, I do own Twilight, I do, I do, I do own Twilight. _Yeah, that's not helping.

**Listen to-** 'Gives You Hell' by The All-American Rejects

* * *

**5. Curiosity**

It was really unbelievable to Emmett that someone would actually use the stuff. First of all, it smelled awful. And why someone would feel the need to put paint on their hands was almost unfathomable.

He stared at Alice, who was perched at the dining room table, painting a disgusting pink color onto her fingernails. She was humming something to herself as she swept the brush over her nails swiftly, covering each one completely in the shiny, toxic paint.

"That's disgusting," he complained. Alice ignored him. She just turned her head, blocking him from her sight. He snorted and leaned back in his chair so that only two of its legs were resting on the floor.

"You're going to break Esme's chair," Alice chirped, sticking the little brush back into the nasty pink liquid. Emmett laughed; there was no way that he was going to break the chair. He sat this way all the time.

Alice stood up, waving her hands in front of her face, which did nothing but circulate the stench of the paint. Emmett wrinkled his nose in disgust. She flashed him a quick smile, and then dashed into the living room her trilled laughter echoing through the room.

Curious, Emmett put his chair back in its rightful position and picked up the tiny bottle of nail polish. He pulled the brush out and stared at it idly. Really, there was nothing pretty about it. And it seemed too tedious of a chore, painting and then removing, only to apply more paint.

He shrugged; sliding the brush back into the bottle and bringing it back up again, examining the dripping liquid. It looked just like any other paint, really. He tilted his head to the side as he moved the brush toward his right hand. Maybe, if he just put a little drop on his finger…

He shook his head and pulled the brush away, ready to stick it back into the container again. He leaned back into the chair again, rocking it back on its hind legs.

Before Emmett had time to screw the bottle shut, the legs of his chair gave out, a loud cracking sound echoing through the room. Emmett flew to the floor, the open bottle of nail polish spilling its contents all over him.

Alice's laughter could've been heard miles away. She was standing in the entry way, her face twisted in amusement. Emmett glared at her, his white shirt dripping with the smelly, pink paint.

"Emmett, I'd ask what you were doing, but I saw it a long time ago," she said between laughs. He hissed at his sister, but she was too far gone in her own entertainment. "I told you that you were going to break the chair."

"Shut up, Alice," he snapped. He knew he'd never be able to live this one down. His petite sister was trying uselessly to bite back her laughter. Really, he saw nothing funny about a mature vampire covered in hot pink nail polish. She really needed to grow up.

"By the way," she trilled, "pink is really not your color." And with that, Alice flew back into the other room, leaving Emmett alone in the dining room with a mess of wood and splattered nail polish to clean up.

* * *

**A note from the author**: It's been a while, I know. I'm just busy, really. I really want to thank those of you who were kind enough to review, I really appreciate it. Don't stop now, though, you're on a roll.. let's shoot for over five, this time! =]


	6. Fear

**6. Fear**

**Disclaimer: **Instead of telling you what I don't own, I'm gonna tell you what I do. Hmmm, let's see…Emmett, Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice all belong to Stephanie Meyer. So does the table, and the rest of the house. 'The Wizard of Oz' belongs to MGM. Oh,_ I _own Carlisle's paperwork!

**Listen to- **'The Jitterbug' by the cast of _The Wizard of Oz_

&&

'Afraid' by Vanessa Hudgens

**(P.S. I just noticed that these one-shots get longer. Go back and look at how short the first one is. I think I meant for them all to be that length, and then I got wrapped up in all the Emmett-ness. Oops.)**

* * *

Carlisle walked eagerly into the bright, open room, slamming the door with his foot behind him. He wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings, because quite frankly, even vampires can have bad days at work.

Jasper was perched on the sofa, seemingly lost in a movie. Alice was next to him, curled up under his arm, her eyes closed and a smile plastered across her face. Of course, Carlisle had no reason to see anything out of the ordinary in this particular situation- Alice often used movie nights to search for her future.

Absently, Carlisle walked into the dining room, and began pulling out his paperwork from the day, laying it casually across the mahogany table. He heard Alice's small giggle from the living room, but again, saw nothing odd about it.

Jasper's heavier laugh layered Alice's then, and Carlisle raised his eyebrow. He heard a small whimper, almost like the sound of a puppy. Suspicious, he followed the couple's giggles back into the living room. He noticed now that _The Wizard of Oz_ was playing across the television set.

"What do you two find so amusing in here?" he asked, a little more assertively than he'd intended. Alice shrugged her tiny shoulders, and cupped her hand over her mouth to silence her laughter. Jasper shrugged mechanically, not taking his eyes from the screen.

Again, the whimpering sound broke through Carlisle's thoughts. He walked closer to the sofa, and the noise seemed to become more distant.

"What is that sound?" he asked in annoyance. The last thing he wanted to deal with today was his potential children's shenanigans. Jasper shrugged again, and Alice's tiny shoulders shook slightly with a new wave of silent laughter.

Angrily, Carlisle turned and went back to his business in the dining room. As soon as he began sorting the pile of papers he'd just spread out, the whimpering picked up again. Carlisle straightened, and closed his eyes against the urge to rip the devil children from the living room and demand an explanation.

"I don't know what you two are up to, but you better have a good explanation," he said smoothly. Their choral laughter echoed through the room again, causing Carlisle to storm back into the room.

"Hey, _we're_ not up to anything. We're just watching a good, wholesome movie," Jasper managed between laughs. Carlisle turned around, searching for the culprit of the noise that was annoying him to pieces.

"Yeah, it's not our fault that some people get scared when the flying monkeys come out," Alice chirped giddily before breaking out into her trilling laughter again. Carlisle sighed, giving up on the couple's games, and walked back to the dining room.

Of course, the minute he began his work, the obnoxious sound filled his ears. It seemed to him that it was closer when he was situated in the dining room than anywhere else in the house.

"Alright," he said, holding his hands in front of himself as if suggesting surrender. He pulled out a chair from the table, readying himself to sit down. A small white movement caught his eye under the table, and he bent over to meet the creature's eyes.

There, sat poor Emmett, curled up into a tight ball, his eyes clenched tightly shut. Carlisle sighed, and ducked to his knees, so he could get a better view of the vampire.

"Emmett, what on Earth are you doing?" he asked pitifully. The house flooded with laughter again, and Carlisle immediately put the puzzle together.

"They were flying right at me, Carlisle! There were a whole bunch of them," he slurred in a panicked voice, never opening his eyes. "It was so scary!"

It was Carlisle's turn to laugh, which caused Emmett to finally open his eyes, revealing wide golden irises. "It's just a movie, Emmett. Those monkeys aren't real," he comforted. It was useless though; Emmett was beyond comprehension, lost in his make-believe world of horror and flying monkeys.

"That's what they want you to think, and then when you least expect it- BAM! Here they come, pulling apart your body and tossing all the straw on the ground. And when the Lion and Tin-man aren't around to save you, then what are you going to do, huh?" Emmett's voice sounded like he was close to hysterics. Carlisle only shook his head and pushed the chair back under the table, locking Emmett back up in his safe place.

"Next time you watch _The Wizard of Oz_, make sure Emmett is out of the house," Carlisle chided. Alice and Jasper both muttered in agreement and then began the laughter again, Carlisle joining in as he began his paperwork.

Emmett stayed curled in a ball under the table, chanting to himself.

* * *

**The Author Says:** I love you guys, and all your awesome reviews. Thanks so much! Muah!


	7. Peaceful

**Peaceful **

**Disclaimer:** It's not mine.

**Listen to- **'River Flows in You' by Yiruma

(Not a good choice, but I can't think of anything else.)

* * *

It was a beautiful day. The sky was, for once, a dull blue. The sun was peeking out from behind a fluffy white cloud. And the exposed skin on Emmett's arm was sparkling like a melting icicle.

Today was the type of day that most children would be out in their yards playing. They would be kicking around a ball, or jumping rope, or swinging… or climbing a tree.

Emmett didn't feel like he should be excluded from this activity. So when the rain stopped and the bright light of the midday sun snuck through the open windows of the house, he headed right outside… to climb a tree.

He picked the tree he would climb carefully, making sure that its position to the sun was just right. Then, he recklessly climbed into its branches. He now sat perched on an outstretched limb, looking over the long driveway.

He smiled and kicked his legs eagerly as he watched a squirrel jump from the end of the branch to the roof of the house. It scurried away quickly, its tail dusting the air in a graceful figure eight movement.

The birds were chirping loudly, signaling the arrival of spring. Of course, spring would only last this one day, and then it would be followed by another abundant amount of chilly raindrops.

The river was bubbling noisily, as if singing to Emmett. And so Emmett sang back, imitating each sound as perfectly as he possibly could.

And then the sound of Bella's noisy truck turning onto the driveway interrupted all the other beautiful sounds. The moment could have been a commercial for air pollution, the way everything else seemed to die the moment the environment killer turned the corner.

Emmett scowled as the loud piece of junk pulled to a stop right underneath his branch. He could hear Bella's voice, she was admiring the day, as was expected. She liked the warm.

And then he could hear Edward, who was throwing off one word answers, while skeptically glancing at Emmett, who was now leaning over to watch the scene in the driveway.

Then Edward pointed up, showing Bella her new eavesdropper. She glared at him, almost angrily, and shook her head.

"Emmett, why are you in a tree?" she asked, but the question was not backed by any form of curiosity.

"I like this tree, so I thought I'd climb it," he said matter-of-factly. Bella nodded, as if the answer had been plain as day.

Edward was already halfway inside the house by now, and Bella leapt to follow him, leaving Emmett alone in his tree again.

The sounds of the outdoors returned, but this time tainted by the trilling of Alice's laugh. She was running full speed through the forest, seemingly playing a game of tag with Jasper. The oddity of their yard didn't escape either of their eyes, and they stopped short at the bottom of the tree.

"If you're playing hide-and-seek, you might want to find a better hiding place," Jasper said. Emmett rolled his eyes and pretended to ignore the siblings that were now quickly becoming pests.

"And if you're building a tree-house, you might want to find some wood and nails," Jasper continued, a camouflaged laugh apparent through his words.

"And if you're bird-watching, you're not doing a very good job," Alice added happily, "because I'm pretty sure Bella's truck scared them all away." Both Jasper and Alice laughed at this, becoming the target of Emmett's unamused scowl.

"You're so funny," he said flatly, and then hurriedly adjusted his position so that he was facing the opposite way on the branch. The troublesome duo went back to their games, leaving Emmett to himself again. It was so peaceful…

And then Rosalie was there, standing on the ground below him, her hands on her hips and a frown on her face.

"Emmett! What are you doing?!" She shrieked, frightening away the last bird in a ten yard radius. "I'm thirsty! Let's go."

But Emmett wasn't going anywhere. Not today. It was just too nice of a day to be anywhere but in this tree. So he just shook his head and folded his arms over his chest, stubbornly refusing the pestering blonde.

"I'll give you until the count of three," she warned, angrily tapping her foot against the wet soil. "One…"

Emmett smiled; there was nothing Rosalie could do to get him down out of the tree. Besides, he was at least ten times stronger than her. He could hold his own pretty well.

"Two," she shouted, her voice rising it pitch. She'd better be ready for defeat, because there was no way she was winning this one.

"Three!"

And then the tree was shaking violently, and Emmett was toppling over backwards off the branch, landing with a thud on the thick grass. He blinked at the sky, which was now being blocked by a mess of blonde hair and a very unpleasant scowl.

So he closed his eyes to block her from his view. And then he rolled to his side as her victory settled in. Pathetically, he whimpered- the sound of defeat.

"Aw, it's okay, Emmett," Rosalie said in mock- sympathy, "the big boy can't have his way all the time. It wouldn't be fair." And then her fake pout lifted up into a quick smile, and she kissed his cheek lightly.

And then she pulled Emmett away from the tree, away from the singing birds, and the bubbling river. Away from the fluffy squirrel and the sunny branches.

And into the black, sleeping woods.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So, this is two updates in one day. You should all be ecstatic now. Really, you should be jumping on your beds. No, I'm just kidding.

But I do want to say that I probably won't have a chance to update in a while. I have majorette championships coming up, and a whole lot of tests and homework and projects. Lovely. Anyway, I doubt I'll find time to write anymore, and I've already posted all of the ones I had saved on my computer. I didn't want you guys to think I forgot to post, and I assure you that as soon as I find time I will put another chapter up. So you better enjoy this one. (It's not as good as the _Wizard of Oz_ one, but it will do.)


End file.
